Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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