My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
