i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
