I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
