Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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