he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
