she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
