Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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