I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
