I puked a lego.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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