Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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