none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
