DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
