Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i think my tv is drunk
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
