well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
please come you make the beer taste better
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
