there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
