So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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