Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
