so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
