When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
