The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
