New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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