best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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