He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
