"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
