I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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