Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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