It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
