the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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