i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
