I could make wine with my vomit
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
