Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
