i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
