I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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