you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You need Xanax blowdarts
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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