I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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