Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
