Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
