I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I faked an abortion last night.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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