I wish my penis had an off switch
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
