I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Randomize
