smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just invented taco cereal.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
