i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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