her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
