You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
