White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she peed on how many people?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
