Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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