I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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