im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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