I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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