just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Still dying that you shit outside
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
