There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
